It’s been a very long time since I’ve taken time to write here in this space. I think it became discouraging to try to work with Google and increase traffic and well, there is always how fast time flies, too fast. So, here I am with my thoughts again and maybe my thoughts and experiences are for someone out there in the world besides me. I’m making no promises about how often I can write, but I promise if anyone out there in the vast online world wants me to, I’m here for it.
Now, let’s get down to it. I have been trying so hard not to worry lately. My to-do list is always so long, things (specifically responsibilities) fall through the cracks and all I can do is pick up the pieces and move forward. Move forward. That seems to be my life motto when all else fails.
As you may, or may not know, I run a small nonprofit. This nonprofit serves children and families in the foster care community. A great deal of burden is always falling within these walls. Do we have enough clothing? Did we provide good service? Did we allow an opportunity for volunteers to serve well? Do we have enough diapers? Are we running out of that size again? The list goes on and on.
On top of all of this that I care for I also homeschool my children I don’t do a great job. I do an OK job. Yes, my background is an education as a reading specialist. And I feel that I fail miserably some days. My children don’t know my insecurities they do their very best when presented with my expectations for them. Sometimes I set the bar too low for them. I worry about their education as all moms do whether they homeschool or not. I worry about the words that I say that lift them up or tear them down. I hope I’m always lifting them up. I’d rather tear myself down. With all this responsibility of being a wife, a mother, and a servant to others I find the burdens are heavy.
I am so very thankful when God starts to show out and show me that He is in control. A few weeks ago I asked our community online to start providing clothing for the lack that we had in our foster closet. The community has come through; today I received another monetary donation I wasn’t expecting. I also went to my car after church and found bag after bag of brand, new clothing a church member went out and bought to help fill our racks. My heart was so full as I was cleaning up after church dinner, and wiping away the mornings mess, I felt God speak to my spirit and say “I’ve got even better. Why are you worried?”
See for sometime I have been worried I just didn’t want to admit that I was worried. We reluctantly closed a closet for kids in the winter, spring and summer came and went and still we were not able to re-open as planned. This past winter God also changed my direction and focus. The plans that we had been making to open a transitional living home were put on hold. Plans change unexpectedly. God changes things. He does not change. On top of all of the changes I realize that I have fell short as a teacher to my children I needed to back up and punt. It’s OK, my kids are showing out for me.. They are doing just fine now. On top of all of these burdens, I lost two dear friends this summer. And while they are resting in the arms of Jesus, now, my heart hurt immensely.
The stress and worry were so heavy that I couldn’t even recognize that the reason it felt like someone squeezing my chest, so that I could not breathe was simply because I had taken my eyes off Jesus.. Oh, how I love Jesus. I knew the answer to my problems, and it may be hard to believe, but with one prayer and one study of scripture Jesus brought me back to Him. I could suddenly breathe.
Secretly in the back of my mind I have been worried about a few things concerning my ministry for foster kids. One, being funding. I believed that I needed much more money in the bank to move forward with my dreams for my nonprofit. Thank goodness for Board of Directors members who know better. I’m thankful for the wisdom that they speak to me that says, don’t worry about the money. Keep moving forward. Two, we need to open more closets for kids so that families have better access to meet their emergency needs. I have no idea what God has in store. None. I just know that He laid it on my heart to do more and move forward.
He sure showed me…
Fast forward to tonight, I load up kids, and I head to church. I grab my old Bible and my new one. See, I bought a new Bible and I want to transfer my notes and highlights into my new one from my old. We made it to church late, so I sat where no one would notice that I came in late. I pulled out my old Bible and I pulled out my new, and I pulled out my reading glasses and my highlighter. Little did I know that God was about to speak.
Psalms 37 that’s where I left off. So, while the choir was singing and I’m enjoying their sound and worship I pull the cap off my highlighter and open my Bibles. Right at the top of Psalms 37 I had written many years ago, Matthew 6. I made a note and began highlighting scriptures that talked about not worrying. So I flipped over to Matthew 6 and found the Scriptures that discuss this as well. Matthew 6:25. I flipped back to Psalms, 37 and kept working.
As our pastor came to the pulpit I heard him say, “ Matthew 6:25”. For a split second I caught my breath. What? Is he really going to be teaching on the scripture tonight? The Lord definitely had my attention. Don’t worry? Don’t worry! The scripture is very clear, you’re not trusting God if you worry. You can’t do both at the same time. You either trust him with your burdens or you don’t. How can I actually say I was trusting God when I clearly was not? That could never move my dreams forward.
I was reminded last week that in 2017 that God told me this nonprofit, this ministry, was not mine. It was His. On the day He spoke that into my spirit, he moved mountains. How could I ever not completely trust him with his own vision for the most vulnerable children? How could I begin to worry in such a way that I thought I had any control?
Did you know that there is no word in Hebrew for our word “coincidence”? I always tell people this when things begin to line up so perfectly. It’s all God. And it was true now…
He went further, a few minutes later, our pastor starts teaching about Nicodemus coming to Jesus, wanting to know more, wanting to know truth. Our pastor said “ in John 3…” and again I found myself holding my breath. Earlier that morning I had taught my Sunday school class out of John 3. The topic was “where do we get our truth from? “ So, where am I getting MY truth from? I thought I knew the truth. The truth was, I was not supposed to worry, I was supposed to let God handle what was His to begin with.
Did you hear me? I was not supposed to worry, I was supposed to let God handle what was His to begin with.
That truth. That little truth, right there that came from Psalms 37, Matthew 6, and John 3,, all points to what is His, and what He knows best.
So, I ask you, what about you and your life belongs to Him? The answer is simple. When He is Lord over your life you belong to Him, your heart belongs to Him, and your life belongs to Him. Whatever it is that you have been worried about it’s time to stop. Yes, it might be a heavy burden. It might be weighing you down, but God is in control. Do you trust Him? Can you stop with the worry, can you let God be God?
So, tonight, as I lay down, those burdens have been lifted. Those burdens are much lighter. The things that God asked me to do really are easy when I let Jesus be Lord. When I trust Him with everything in my life, everything seems much more in control.
How can I pray for you tonight?
I love praying for others. I know that it’s the most important thing I can do, the least I can do at the same time. Praying for others is easy. Praying for myself might be harder most days. So, if you’ll pray for me, I’ll pray for you.
I encourage you to look up Matthew 6, Psalms, 37, and probably even John 3. Give them a bit of your time ruminate on God’s word for you.
Thanks for listening.(or in other words reading.)
I'm Aimee, former Early Childhood Educator and Reading Specialist turned author, speaker, blogger, and mom of 5. This website is meant to inspire & equip parents of little ones to promote early literacy & language development at home. You will also find fun crafts, devotionals, and recipes to explore..
Learn more about me here.
*Photos are reflective of a handmade or hand stamped design; including naturally occurring materials. It is not intended to represent the exact product you will receive. Variation in shape, color, size should be expected. Each pearl & stone is unique; each piece is unique.