5 Ways to Help with Sibling Separation Anxiety

SEPARATING the peas and carrots

They go together like peas and carrots.  Everywhere we go I get asked "are they twins?"  If you have children close in age you may also get the same question.  Some days it may feel like you're chasing twins or shuffling twins from place to place.  My littles are 18 months apart, there is no denying they look like they could be twins.  This is great when it comes to playing together...not so great when they need to be apart.  One feels lost without the other and that's what I want us to talk about... what does this look like for your children and how do you handle it?

Two of my older boys are like peas and carrots too.  It seems the older of the two is much more attached to the younger.  My older one never wanted to do anything or go anywhere without his brother.  The younger one just shrugs off the separation.  When they come back together though, it's a beautiful thing.  So, my internal momma question was always asking "how do I preserve this deep love for each other and teach them it's okay to be apart and do different things?"

Here are five things that I have found work for us and I'm curious what has worked for you, so be sure to leave your comments to help me and help others and take a look at a few other resources I've included for you as  well.
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5 ways to help

1. INCLUDE THEM IN THE PROCESS - It might be a big deal, like going back to school, or it might be that the other sibling is just going to a sleepover or a day camp.  Sometimes encouraging one to be be excited for the other is a great approach.  Maybe they help pick out school supplies, what to wear, or what to pack.  Maybe the other sibling can find a special trinket to include to make him feel like he is part of the process.  
2. MAKE IT SPECIAL - Make separation a positive experience every time.  I know this can be hard, but we can teach them to celebrate a sibling going off separately.  Acknowledging the anxiety, but encouraging other feelings to accompany it, like excitement, can be a positive approach.
3. GET IT DONE - It's like ripping off a bandaid for some kinds so you don't want to make it long and drawn out.   Do it quick.  It's okay to acknowledge up from feelings that may come up.  When it comes to the actual moment of saying "good bye" or "see ya later".  Just do it.  As a former teacher, I can tell you for a fact nothing makes it harder on children than long good byes.
4. STAY BUSY - The goal here is to show the sibling that is staying behind that he can have just as much fun alone than with.  There is great fun in having things to yourself for a change.  Make a few art supplies available, movies, story times, and even use this time spend some one on one with your child.  Make the away time positive and maybe even a little over the top for the first few times.
5. TALK IT OUT - Be all ears for your child.  Let them express what is really concerning them. Is he wondering of brother or sister is okay?  Maybe he just feels lonely?  Maybe he is struggling with what to do by himself?  Talk about when they'll be together again?  Help him imagine that moment and know that it is coming soon.

Here are a few resources that can be helpful too.
An age by age guide to separation anxiety for kids.  How to ease separation anxiety in babies, toddlers and preschoolers
How to Help a Child With Sibling Separation
How to Help Them Be Friends Forever

Where Foster Care and Adoption Are Concerned
Many of the same principals still apply but there is research and article after article online to help parents who help children with a more permanent separation.  Here are a few....
Sibling Issues in Foster Care
Sibling Seperation | Foster Club
10 Myths and Realities of Sibling Adoption

Talk About This...

Use the comments section below to give your input.  What was your experience like as a sibling?  What are you facing right now as a mother of two close kids?  What has worked for you?  Whatever it is you want to share regarding sibling separation when kids are like "peas and carrots" is welcome...