We all have them. We all wake up some mornings and just love our life and then as the day goes on it seems like our day falls completely apart. Before the day is even over you are full of questions and worry. Today, I loaded my boys up into the swagger wagon along with my nephews and drove the 12 miles to our church for VACATION BIBLE EXTREME (when I type it I hear an announcer like from WWF in my head, sorry). Our church VBX is always amazing and the kids LOVE going but this week I've had some slightly sick little boys on my hands. This morning, I thought they were all better as I drove to the church. When I pulled up my littlest Little said, "I don't feel so good." So, I dropped off the other Little's and headed back home with a little sickie. He asked for Sprite, chicken noodle soup, and I suggested a movie. It sounded like the perfect morning with my baby minus that he felt bad.
I popped in a movie, fixed a cup of Sprite, made chicken noodle, loaded my dishwasher, ran some clothes, sorted laundry, baked a chocolate lava cake (FOR REAL), and cooked some grilled chicken. I then sat down with him to watch movie number two when it happened...I went to check on my laundry that was supposed to have just finished washing and it was wet, heavy and wet. That couldn't be right. I was sure that it was supposed to be not so heavy and wet before going into the dryer. I loaded another load and realized something was off. It was washing before it filled with water. I messed around with it awhile until I thought maybe it would work, then my dryer started making a funny noise, loud and scary. I opened the door, it seemed to be working but when I went to start it, buzz, buzz, buzz and then nothing. The starter went kaput. I felt so defeated. Defeated seems to be a popular word in my vocabulary lately. Okay, here's the kicker. I decided I need to run an errand before picking up my oldest from church. So, we left...defeated and all. I picked up Cooper and my husband called so I told him about my defeat. On the way home I started feeling just disgusted. We've been paying off debt, swearing off credit cards, and doing everything we know to do, that we've been taught to do by Dave Ramsey. I'm not sure that our emergency fund has been replenished...so I started worrying about that. If I can't dry clothes I will need a new dryer...I worried about that. What if the washer needs work because it won't spin the water out of our clothes...I worried about that. My business is slow this month...I worried about that. My husband called again..I gave him an ear full when he asked me if I had gotten everything done...I worried about that. Do you ever feel like your worry is pressing in on your chest so that it's hard to breathe and it's making your eyes cross? YES! That's how I felt on the drive back home as my oldest son told me he needed to go to the doctor because of a bump on his shin and my littlest wanted to go because he felt bad still. My thoughts were going around and around in my head. My worry made me feel like that washing machine felt, like it was stuck in a slow moving spin cycle, that I was going around and around, that I wasn't efficient, that I couldn't do my job well. This "spin cycle" I was in had me pressed against the walls with my eyes closed tight and praying for it to stop. I just wanted some peace for one minute just to cast all this worry onto Him but He knows that. He already knew it! He knows how weak I am. He knows that I will turn to worry but He uses this weakness to draw me closer to Him. He wants to be my salvation. Isaiah 12:2 says that we are to trust and not be afraid. The Lord is our strength. Just like all moms, we try to find peace in our chaos. We feel that we are constantly in chaos and that we have so much to worry about and it gets out of control. The faster our spin cycle spins, the more that is pressed out of us and sometimes it is just plain UGLY. As moms we would love to always spend time without worry in a peaceful place where we can enjoy our babies while they are little. It's just not going to happen that way unless we start really pressing into Him. If the chaos is overwhelming and the distractions just won't stop then we must know we have the power to summon His angels into our presence for help. He will send them. However, sometimes the spinning is necessary for a moment. It reminds us that we can't possibly do it all, that we need Him, and in order for Him to help, He has to press some things out of us to make room for Him. As I pulled into our garage and my kids exited the car and as my husband was hearing me vent I realized I just needed some peace. I've become a little spoiled by spending time with our Father. It seems now that I've really started pressing the more I want to press. The more time I spend seeking His love and strength, the less I worry. I become frustrated with the chaos and become demanding for His peaceful presence. That's how it should be. When I spend time with Him he loves it and so when I came into the house I went into the laundry room. The clothes in the washer were exactly how I expected them this time and the dryer...the dryer; well, the dryer started right up and went right on back to work. Yep, it did! I put my sick baby in the shower and down for a nap. The middle boy went to his room to play and the oldest went into his room, cranked up Toby Mac and got busy working in there and even unloaded the dishes when I told him too. As a result I have spent time writing, studying, journaling, and reflecting. Even for just a few minutes...I have pressed into Him. Now when husband gets home, I may even go for a nice long run...I've got some thanking to do. Image on this post provided with permission from DaughterZionDesigns from Etsy.com and are available for purchase.
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Last night just before going to bed I opened my Bible and it opened to a devotion called "Intimate Doubt". I fell asleep last night with the thought that "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called." The devotion was out of the book of Jeremiah and it pointed to the fact that even Jeremiah doubted His calling. He took that doubt to God and gave it to Him and God was okay with it. For the last month I have been doubting what He is calling me to do and consistently He puts scripture or devotions or words from others and even books that are screaming to me to WRITE! It's so hard to do that when your brain and mind and thoughts feel fuzzy. I ask "Why Me?" and "What about?" He pointed out something in my heart today that I believe!
See, I have a masters degree in Reading. Why Reading? It's simply, I love to read. I never have enough time to read and I believe that every human being deserves to have the ability to read. Reading is not just about words, it can be about symbols but ultimately it's about the CONNECTION! Oh, my! While I write this something big is happening in my heart. CONNECTION! I took a test a few months ago online called Strength Finders. My number one strength was that I'm a connector, connectedness is my strength. It's not my only strength but it is was the one that I was found to be the strongest in. Here is what the Gallup Business Journal says about my strength. Things happen for a reason. You are sure of it. You are sure of it because in your soul you know that we are all connected. Yes, we are individuals, responsible for our own judgments and in possession of our own free will, but nonetheless we are part of something larger. Some may call it the collective unconscious. Others may label it spirit or life force. But whatever your word of choice, you gain confidence from knowing that we are not isolated from one another or from the earth and the life on it. This feeling of Connectedness implies certain responsibilities. If we are all part of a larger picture, then we must not harm others because we will be harming ourselves. We must not exploit because we will be exploiting ourselves. Your awareness of these responsibilities creates your value system. You are considerate, caring, and accepting. Certain of the unity of humankind, you are a bridge builder for people of different cultures. Sensitive to the invisible hand, you can give others comfort that there is a purpose beyond our humdrum lives. The exact articles of your faith will depend on your upbringing and your culture, but your faith is strong. It sustains you and your close friends in the face of life's mysteries. How then does God intend to use me as a writer. I have always believed I was a terrible writer...but friends tell me I'm good with the written word. I'd have to admit I'm much better with written than with spoken. I'm not a grammar nazi as some people call them. I just write and it may end up that I right. Or that their are so many mistakes in my righting that people have a hard time reading it. See. So I realize that there are gifts that people have beyond the written word and that would be to make sure everything is grammatically correct. I'm not bad at it but it's not my strength (wink). Instead what I am good at is seeing the connections. Back to that... When I was getting to my degree in Reading, one of the things that my beloved professor, Dr. Amber Prince, God rest her soul, said was, "The author is forever connected to the reader. Just as we are here and having this conversation, the author is able to convey thoughts and the reader is able to interpret them. The reader's response to the author is simply how the book effects the reader." I'm going to stop fretting over WHY God wants me to write and just do it. Who knows what nonsense will come out of my finger tips? He does! I have a feeling that God will be directing them as well. I want to get lost in His thoughts because my thoughts are not His. I want the words that connect us, that come off my finger tips to be His. 1 Peter 5:7 was what our guest pastor preached on Sunday during service. My sweet new friend over at DaughterZionDesigns had this beautiful print available. She's letting me borrow it. You should visit her shop. It's beautiful. I saw this print and just KNEW it was connected to this lesson for me (and maybe you too). How else could it be more obvious? Casting your care, your anxiety, your fears, your burdens all on Him. He is the most capable. When you do then you can not take them back. So, I'm casting today. I'm casting my intimate doubt! What are you casting? Come on...run with me a minute.
Thursday morning I woke up with a huge, heavy burden on my heart and all I wanted to do was run. When I run I escape for a little time, I clear my head, I release happy endorphin's, and I spend time learning lessons from God. As soon as my feet hit the pavement my eyes started welling up as my lips started muttering to God that I needed Him. I would dry my eyes quickly as I saw other runners coming my way and I'd just pull away from my feelings for a bit. Then after I trotted a little further I heard that small Voice say..."Top of the Hill". I just laughed to myself. Seriously? I'm supposed to go to the top of the hill? I can barely run on level ground much less up a hill. As I approached another road the Voice grew and grew until I could not deny it. "Top of the hill." it said over and over. So I reluctantly turned towards the hill, the highest in the park, but told myself I was not running up that big hill, I was walking it...and I did. Along the way I talked to God about the burdens and all the chaos in my head. It became very windy where the road leveled out a bit, I paused, and then I kept climbing. All the while I was searching for Him and listening for the Voice. I got to the top of the hill and looked...nothing...except, there was a trail that went higher so I wasn't at the actual top of the hill, just stopped where the road stopped. So I took the trail taking note that it was unexpected and I didn't know where it led but I'd take it. I climbed until I reached the top and it was a grassy clearing. I went to the center of the clearing to listen and...nothing. Ugh! I was getting frustrated. I was sure the Voice said to go to the top of the hill. I couldn't have been mistaken, there had to be something for me. I was so frustrated. About the time I decided to go back down I noticed another path. By the looks of it the path would take me back down the hill and it would probably end up at the road where I noticed earlier a path wound around and met the road I'd just come up on. So I thought, I'll go for it. Trail running is fun...I suppose. As I start to head down, I noticed that the trail took a dip but then rose again and went up, way up. I couldn't have seen that before. I have to admit, I was starting to get uncomfortable with my place in the woods at this point. These woods have always felt a little creepy to me because I don't know them and when I finally, for SURE got to the top of the hill it really was creepy. There was a small opening in the woods and there were monuments on either side of the path. One was particularly tall and at the top was a stone civil war solider standing and looking off into the distance with no nose. He was almost the last straw for me, I wanted to turn and run back down the hill to "safety". Instead I stood still and looked around. I listened and prayed. I felt ...afraid. All sorts of terrible thoughts ran through my head, I could see the headlines now. "They found the woman in the woods and they spotted her by her neon yellow shoes. She had been hacked to bits by what we believe to be as a machete, there must be a murderer on the loose in these woods." So, to calm my fears I sat down on a monument and put my back flat against it so I felt less exposed on all sides. I took a deep breath and prayed for God to show up. Seriously, I was finally at the top of the hill and this is how I felt? All of the sudden I felt something on my leg. I looked down. It was a tiny tick that I had picked up, a little hitchhiker. I plucked it off and tossed it away and realized that was my lesson. It was all so simple. The calmness I needed came over me and I felt the Voice rise up and say. "What is it you are afraid of? Your mind plays games and tricks on you. You are letting the evil one frighten you when I do not put a spirit of fear in you.". I felt so safe at that point. I stood up and started walking back down the trail and back down the hill letting the Voice reveal to me the message. See, I was afraid of things that weren't real. I was afraid of things in my head instead of being still and finding peace with Him. Peace was found when I was still and allowed Him to point out and make me aware the real dangers. Once I saw what I was supposed to be aware of, that tiny little tick, I knew that all my other fears were false. That tiny little tick was dangerous. His little bite held poison that could ravage a body. It wasn't the fear of what might be that as dangerous but what I wasn't even aware of that was. So, because I was still God calmed my fears and opened my eyes and senses to the real danger. That tiny little hitchhiker almost went unnoticed, I almost bolted with fear before ever knowing he was on me. I realize now that the things I'm afraid of are in my head. There are so many things that we worry about daily and don't deal with out of fear. Fear is keeping us from trusting Him and makes us want to bolt instead of be still. So, while the climb was hard and I didn't want to do it, there was a lesson at the top. If I had picked the easy road and not gone up the hill I might not have learned the lesson He wanted to teach me but instead I let the Voice guide me, teach me and grow my knowledge of His wonders. When I sat down to write this out I opened my Bible and again it opened to the perfect scriptures. Proverbs 8. The whole thing...every word of Proverbs 8 was for me (and you) and this lesson He is teaching us. Here are the most powerful parts to me but I encourage you to open His Word and experience it as a whole. Do not be afraid. Trust Him, be still, and pray for His wisdom. From the Bible Gateway, NKJV Proverbs 8. The Excellence of Wisdom8 Does not wisdom cry out, And understanding lift up her voice? 2 She takes her stand on the top of the high hill, Beside the way, where the paths meet. 3 She cries out by the gates, at the entry of the city, At the entrance of the doors: 4 “To you, O men, I call, And my voice is to the sons of men. 5 O you simple ones, understand prudence, And you fools, be of an understanding heart. 6 Listen, for I will speak of excellent things, And from the opening of my lips will come right things;7 For my mouth will speak truth; Wickedness is an abomination to my lips. 8 All the words of my mouth are with righteousness; Nothing crooked or perverse is in them. 9 They are all plain to him who understands, And right to those who find knowledge.10 Receive my instruction, and not silver, And knowledge rather than choice gold; 11 For wisdom is better than rubies, And all the things one may desire cannot be compared with her. 32 “Now therefore, listen to me, my children, For blessed are those who keep my ways. 33 Hear instruction and be wise, And do not disdain it. 34 Blessed is the man who listens to me, Watching daily at my gates, Waiting at the posts of my doors. Eve, oh Eve! You were so powerful and didn't even know it. Your words dripped from your mouth like honey and enticed your man to take a bite of sin. You Eve, have more power than you would ever know. 1000's of generations of women think of you and imagine your beauty, your simple beauty, as the first woman made by the hand of God. However Eve, your power has cursed the generations of women that came after you. We now raise our babies in a world of sin, try to love our husbands in a world of sin, we try to love our friends in a world of sing, all thanks to your. There is one thing we cannot do, we cannot look at you and say we would never do such a thing.
A while ago I spent some time with a few girl friends. It can get so raw when girls get together and talk about their marriages. We all have such deep issues that we are either dealing with or have dealt with. We are either in the midst of trails or have been through them. No one that is married is immune to that. We can be head over hills in love with our husbands or not. Sometimes we are in a place where we want to get as far from them as we can for awhile or we want to run right into their arms. What I have found is that every marriage, every single one, requires work. What I think we sometimes miss is our power as women. We have the power in us to change our marriage for the better every single day. We have the power in us and sometimes we don't even realize it. I found myself telling a friend over and over that she was powerful, one of the most powerful girls I know. She didn't believe me. I have seen her influence women, bring tears to their eyes with hope, she's talked strength into me and into others but she didn't see herself as the pillar of strength that she is. Holy Spirit Power... What we can do is usher our families to the throne of Christ Jesus with the singing of our voices, with our daily love, we can offer up our bodies as worship, and we can change the face of our nation with love. As mothers, sisters, and daughters we are the gatekeepers of of our faith. We are taught that our husbands are the spiritual leaders of our homes, that is true. However, with the Holy Spirit a woman has the power to usher in generations to God. I was busy this morning making beds, collecting laundry, wiping down bathrooms, you know the stuff I always say I should do. Yes, I was actually doing it, but as I started down the steps I heard a small voice say....
"Why are you so busy? stop, Stop, STOP!" I turned on my heels and went back upstairs, laid out on my neatly made bed and held my Bible. I closed my eyes and turned my focus on that voice. God wanted to know my heart. He wanted me to say out loud why I was so busy, too busy. So, I confessed that I am afraid of the changes He has been making in my life. While I get excited about seeing His works, I am a little afraid of the unknown. Truly, I am lost on His plans for me. I know He has them. Jeremiah 29:11 has become a popular verse around me lately. So, I asked Him to show me His plans. I want Him to plant a seed in me that will grow as a dream and turn into my purpose. As I was praying I asked that He showed me in His word and I opened my Bible. Immediately my eyes fell to a little box in my Bible with a little green title that said : God Prevails in His Plans. "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21 At that moment my heart cried, "I have a God that is real, and BIG, and all in my life. I've asked Him to start revealing His plan for me. Slowly throughout the day He has unwound it for me. He's given me direction and first steps. I noticed in my journal from back in April that I had written a message from Him that was on my heart after reading Haggai 2: 18 & 19. "Come back to Me. My Spirit will bless you. I will remove chaos. I have a job for you to do. You can not be trusted with this job unless you stay close to me. Talk to me in everything you do. Do not become distracted. Do not forget. I have called you to serve many but you are weak and afraid. My children need You now more than ever. Write so you won't forget and seek My face daily!" That journal entry was the last one written until I opened the book today. See, God forced me to go back and see it. My computer that I had been journaling on had failed and I grabbed the one I write in from time to time. For weeks, it is obvious that He has been giving me instructions to write. So the rest of today's story goes.... I'm working on a book. I'm writing it even if no one reads it because it was given to me to write. I'm doing this because He is telling me it must be done. I have found that if I say "I can't" He makes it possible. About a month ago I told a friend about my little project and how I just couldn't bring myself to turn it into a book. She asked why. I had no real answer. My answer was that I didn't have time and that I was a little afraid of being so bold. Two weeks ago a blog reader messaged me and asked if I had my project in a book format that could be downloaded and sadly I said "no". Last week that project landed in my Inbox in a book format and I was too afraid to see it until 3 nights ago, I finally opened it and I just smiled. I'm so humbled that someone would love my work enough to do that for me. I'm more humbled that my Father thought it was worthy enough to put it on someone's heart to take that next step for me. The monthly requests from a publisher have never stopped since my first inquiry 2 years ago. Tonight, my husband said "I know you didn't want to publish, you told me a long time ago you didn't want to." I promise if it were up to me, I would not dream that big. So, here's how I look at it. God is clearly calling me to do more. I'm not a gifted writer, I just enjoy spilling out things that are in my head and on my heart. I am a lover of books. I love books and reading them! So, I guess I will roll with it and maybe take a few extra steps to see what happens next. I feel like this project is His anyway. It never was mine. I'm a little overwhelmed with all the clues and gifts He's given me today. "Write so you won't forget." My blog has always been personal to me. It has never been for anyone else but myself. It is where I write, it may be terrible, messy, chaotic, but it is always truth. I write even if no one reads, I write because I was called to do so. I can not make promises about how often I will write, when, or about what. It is always what is on my heart at that moment. It could be my work, my children, my hobbies, anything I want to touch on and share outside of my own head. Today, after a few days of God pricking my heart, I am writing....
A little background...My life gets messy fast. I am a mom of all boys, 3 of them, 4 if you count my husband, 5 if you count our dog. I love every minute of being their queen, their hearts, their pillar of strength when they need it. However, I get distracted easily. I let little bits of chaos begin to build in various places of our lives. I forget to remember to do things, I forget to write them down; my journals, my planners, my calendars may go empty for days. God has been calling me to work for Him and I don't know what He wants from me. I don't know the direction He is sending me in but I know that He made my days, he prepares my way and He guides my feet through this journey of life. I count the little blessings and give Him glory for them. However, I lose sight of Him when I become too busy to notice the little gifts He leaves daily. This morning, His calling while I am home alone has been strong. Yesterday He kept me in tears. They were only from the overwhelming love that radiates from Him. He has placed me here where heaven meets earth. He placed my soul here to do something besides the daily grind. I struggle with purpose...I STRUGGLE WITH PURPOSE. What is my purpose? I know I am to be a wife and mother. What else? What more does He have for me? I laid prostrate on the floor this morning and asked Him to speak to me. He calls me by name. "Aimee, you can not know what I have for you until you open My Word." I got up, went for my Bible and the first thing I did, something I've never done, was put my lips against His word with love. OH! The feeling of loving Him...like kissing His face, I kissed His word, tears streaming down my face. Opening His Word and letting the message fall open can be amazing. Some say it can be dangerous but there is nothing dangerous about His word. God is calling me to plant my flag, high on a hill for all to see and so that He can be present in our lives, gently, like the dew on the ground. He will rise up like the heat from the desert floor. HAGGAI! Oh, Haggai, your message of Hope of God's involvement in our lives is so beautiful. It is truly our souls desire to be near our Father and Haggai brings us the promise. We must take our spiritual matters seriously. God wanted there to be a PLACE OF WORSHIP! A Temple for us to bring our worship too. Now we go so He can clean us and wash us...that alone is a symbol of servitude from our Father. Haggai 2:19 Spoke to me about His promise! He speaks to me through His word but He also speaks to me in that small voice that says... "Come back to Me. My Spirit will bless you. I will remove the chaos you are praying about. I have a job for you to do. You can not be trusted with this job unless you stay close to me. Talk to me in everything you do. Do not let yourself become distracted. Do not forget I have called you to serve many but you are weak and afraid. My people need you now more than ever. Write this down, so you don't forget." I will kiss his face daily, the great I AM is calling me to love Him back. His love for me pulls me in. My purpose is greater than I can see. I can not see over His horizon but I will trust Him. Readers: Please be in prayer for me and the purpose He has for me. Bless you in advance! It doesn't matter where you came from, what you believed before. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us who believe. Since God chose you to love, you must clothe yourself in tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. You must make allowance for others faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. The most important piece of clothing you must wear is LOVE. Love is what binds us all together in perfect harmony. As members of one body we are called to live in peace and always be thankful. Colossians 3
This morning as I study before my babies wake up and husband rolls over to get ready for their day I am reminded of how I must be. Colossians is one of those little books of the Bible that I don't read often enough. If more of us who are striving to be like Christ would live these words, others would notice. I am more than tired of watching Christians battle against each other on theology or beliefs. The message is simple, we have got to get out of the way of the gospel and let the Good News speak for itself. My prayer this morning is that God forgive me for what I do that is not of Him. I need forgiveness daily but I always ask for His help. When I am drawn away by the world and earthly things I must remember that it is me that is severing the building of our relationship. My soul longs for heavenly riches that can not be found here. My soul cries out for acceptance and words of affirmation but if I will remember to take the time to open my Bible each day and spend moments with my Father, I will find that my love language is understood by the One who created it to begin with. I pray that my eyes are open to His Will and I thank Him for the gifts He leaves me throughout the day because He loves me. I don't know about all of you moms out there but sometimes I get aggravated by silly little things my boys obsess about, this morning it was a $15 "trapper keeper like" notebook my 11 year old had to have. He has it and is excited about it, he didn't want to put it in his book bag and so I shoved it in there for him after watching him for 5 minutes try to figure out what to do with it. But when I looked up at his face I could tell that bothered him that I didn't LOVE his notebook like he did. So, that bothered me. Perhaps it was because I called it a "stupid notebook". Ugh! As soon as I said it I knew...bad seed.
I have got to learn how to lift them up and strengthen their spirits when they are with me. Sometimes I feel like I fail at that because I stress about things that don't matter. I have thought about doing a devotion with them in the mornings but I think before I do that I have to get my heart right! I can not walk around pretending that it is. The last few weeks I have been picturing my heart as having all these black stains and I've asked for forgiveness but I think it's got to be more than that. I have got to be purified so that when the "well spring" comes bubbling up, it's good things that come out of my mouth. Lately, I have got myself saying things I regret...bad seed. I noticed this morning that a particular Bible in our house was no longer collecting dust. My husband has been reading it and doing his studies before bed at night. Now that we have gotten rid of the TV in our bedroom he is looking for a better use of his time. He's leading me and I am neglecting to follow...bad seed. So, I think that today all us mommies and future mommies should pray for them and pray for ourselves too. God has all the wisdom we can imagine, it's time we ask for more. He will purify me today because I'm going to let Him. I have about 6 hours of today to spend in conversation with Him. So while I'm purging my home of clutter today I will be confessing...good seed! Last fall I so proudly stood in front of some other women and boldly told about how I ran 6 miles every other morning during the week and when I told them my time, they snickered. I laughed too and admitted that was a "sad" pace. I didn't realize it then or even until now what that did to me. I started trying to increase my speed and started focusing on how fast I could go instead of how far. I found pleasure and confidence in my distance. I was proud to say I had actually done 13 miles on my own, until I told someone how long it took me. So that imagine of those ladies on that couch that night snickering has been burned in my brain. I started comparing myself to other runners...mistake number 1. I stopped running by December and tried other things and nothing worked quite like running to help me burn fat fast. I've LONGED to start back but would try to run faster than what was comfortable and give up after a few days. I would ask if anyone wanted to run with me, for motivation, when secretly I like running by myself at my speed of slow. Then, yesterday I ran again but I did sprints and walking and it was okay. I was happy with the "time". Ready for Divine Intervention! Last night I went to what us AdvoCare folks call a "mixer" and I was talking with a "fellow runner" who loves doing marathons and runs 7-8 miles all the time and he started sharing with me what I should be doing to shed fat faster and you know what? What I was doing all along was the right thing to do!!! Set! So, this morning I went for a run. I ran at my pace...not out of breath. I could still talk but was working up a good sweat and I ran. I completed 6k this morning! I love doing 10k and so I'm going to shoot for that Saturday morning. I'm back, I really am back. I spent time alone with my Father and was able to talk to Him about my business and the people I love. A few Britt Nicole songs played for me and I almost wept! Music does that too me. READY or NOT! GO! So watch out friends cause I'm going to live this life as God intended because He IS ON MY SIDE! He even gave me these little/powerful verses this afternoon during my study. Psalms 18: 28-29 You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall. I found the below post today, unpublished. It was written in August of 2012. It made me cry like a baby. I'm so thankful I don't have to miss my babies anymore. I like my occasional hour or so of peace but I don't have to miss them anymore. Thank you Lord.
I have given you all fair warning that I have become obsessed with talking about running...so this is just fair warning again that I'm going to talk about it. LOL Actually, there were so many things on my mind this morning that I wished I'd had time to write them all day after I returned home from running. Something about running starts to spark my mind. I think now that I am comfortable with my own pace, I am now able to let my thoughts just flow. I became quite emotional towards the end of my run, I was trying to hold back tears. And know not because I thought I was going to die after 5 miles. I miss my babies... I went back to work for the school year last Thursday and while I love my job so much that I send far too many hours devoted to it daily, I realized this morning that I am really going to miss my boys. They are my babies. They are all going to be in school this year together. This is the first and only year that they will all be at the same school. They will all ride the same bus together and big brother will be able to guide the little brothers. I am loving that part. The part that gets me all worked up is the part that they are all old enough to be in school. I no longer have to worry about breastfeeding, diapers, strollers, high chairs or pack and plays. No, I have to worry about homework, tennis shoes, clean undies, straight teeth and super cool haircuts. I am going to be gone before they get up in the mornings most likely and hopefully, home shortly after they get off this bus...God Willing! I miss them already. On the bright side, I have made the real choice to live a healthier life so that I may spend many more years with my babies...boys. I have a new strength... When the glory goes up, the blessings come down. I believe that to be true. I tend to amaze myself lately with the things I have been able to do physically. In doing so, I always have to step back and think, now how am I able to do all I have done. Some say it is will power and the human spirit. I say, it is more than that. I know that I can not depend on myself for follow through. I have to depend on God. When I run, I find myself in awe of the things He is helping me to do. He lifts me up when I am down and pushes me on when I think I can not go further and the ways in which He does so are subtle and noticed only by me. I do NOT serve a God of hate as some have said in recently media circles. I serve a God who wants the best for me because of His amazing grace and love. I have to be willing to go after some of His blessings and others I only have to accept them. He puts me through trials to strengthen me! I have the strength to run a 10k several times a week while still trying to lose weight. (being over 100 pounds too heavy) My heart is stronger, my body is stronger but most of all my spirit is stronger. It is like nothing I have ever known. He gives me strength! Gains... All this talk about needing to lose weight. I really need to focus on what I need to gain some of. Because I have lost weight and inches I think that maybe I have gained some youth. I feel more spark and energy. It is hard for me to believe I am considered in my mid-thirties. I feel renewed in so many ways. One other gain is how happy I feel most days. Sure I have my tearful moments but my happiness feels youthful. Then, there is my husband. I love him! My high school sweet heart. I love him! |
I'm Aimee, former Early Childhood Educator and Reading Specialist turned author, speaker, blogger, and mom of 5. This website is meant to inspire & equip parents of little ones to promote early literacy & language development at home. You will also find fun crafts, devotionals, and recipes to explore..
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